*this is not a rant
*this is not a cry for help
*this is not for attention
I am not ashamed nor embarrassed by my demons. We all have them. Some of us face them. Some of us die by them. Some of us ignore them. Some of us, we write about them!
Everyone has words to describe themselves.
Labels we give ourselves, others carve into us.
From when we were young we came up with words to tell people who we were. Words that we believed in. Words we didn't always deserve.
"My Seven Words"
These are the words I have used to describe myself since my youth. Words that were used to hurt me, belittle me, destroy me. Given to me by people who probably don't even remember my name. Words that I hung onto all these years. Words that I thought best described me. That I believed in with every ounce of my being. Words I STILL believe in.
Seven words... who knew that such a small amount could make one person hate themselves, despise themselves, want to destroy themselves.
These words are the last of my demons. The beginning of it all. The thing that spiraled out of control. Now, after over 20 years I am having to face these words. Not just in casual conversation but in a debate. What is truth and if I'm not these words then what am I?
My ENTIRE BEING has been built on the belief of these Seven Words. Words that though have damaged me, bleed me and broke me, I am scared to let go of.
It's all I know. It's who I am, who I have made myself into, who I have allowed others to make me into.