Jared Kelly

@twatterer

Screenwriter: I am steady in morals. Elegant in manners. No peeing in bedroom basins. And still I am doubted.

Photos and Videos by @twatterer

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It was another long day for Bob in his relentless search for the mythical King of the Sunflowers.

  • 567 days ago via site
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Great London Signs. One of the best uses of 'etc' you're ever likely to see.

  • 832 days ago via site
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Is your child bored of playing with the same old Disney and Pixar figures? Then why not buy them... NAZI KIDS!

  • 970 days ago via site
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The role Colin Farrell was born to play...

  • 1097 days ago via site
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Ever get the feeling your tomato knows more than it's letting on?

  • 1121 days ago via site
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Ancient mischief and mayhem has finally arrived from America. First edition, too! Yippee! :) FEED MY BRAIN!

  • 1131 days ago via site
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Ooo, my Christmas supplies have finally arrived! Sláinte!

  • 1148 days ago via site
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It's 106 miles to the park, we got a full tank of gas, a pack of smelly cheese... and I'm not wearing sunglasses.

  • 1160 days ago via site
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Friend just sent me the ultimate dog 'going to a birthday party' outfit. :)

  • 1163 days ago via site
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Sitting there alone at the table I suddenly had the unnerving sensation of a terrifying presence in the room...

  • 1217 days ago via site
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I feel I should just say...

  • 1294 days ago via site
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Planning meetings I wish I had been at... "Hey, I've got a brilliant idea for a new cycle lane."

  • 1313 days ago via site
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De Niro... De Faro... splendido!

  • 1334 days ago via site
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Egg roulette...

  • 1372 days ago via site
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Caught between the celestial beauty of the Champagne Mystic and the gorgeous Welsh Witch.

  • 1388 days ago via site
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Dog waiting patiently for ice cream.

  • 1395 days ago via site
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Blimey! Trotters who look like Benedict Cumberhatch!

  • 1422 days ago via site
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I feel my fridge and I have come to an understanding.

  • 1473 days ago via site
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What's got two thumbs, fucks like a jack rabbit, and is taking over Dreamworks?

  • 1475 days ago via site
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Aha! That might explain why there's so many fat dogs waddling around LA...

  • 1480 days ago via site
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