I am a common snapping turtle. I like to tell you about turtle, tortoise, and terrapin news.
Human put the egg under saran wrap and told me it's my job to watch it.
Here is the egg, newly tucked into vermiculite and keeping warm. I still haven't picked out a name!
Does anyone understand what this means?
I like the way the flowers smell, even if they are confused.
Aren't flowers supposed to grow in the other direction?
I am sweeter than what was originally in this box.
I hate you raspberry. You are not a hat.
HUMAN! HOW COULD YOU LET THE RASPBERRY CONQUER ME?!?!
Here I am on human's keyboard in April! See how much bigger I've gotten?
My rear end is green.
Scott Pilgrim is fun to read and sit on. @radiomaru @onipress
I am a dinosaur in training.
@justinbieber, here I am rocking out to the previews of your new album. Human won't let me purchase it unless you like turtles.
Hey, @justinbieber! Do you like turtles? I'm a turtle. @biebfeed and I need to know.
I am the mighty Medlar, floor explorer! I claim this laminate in the name of turtledom.
OK. I'm down. But why am I on the cold floor?
HEY! HEY HUMAN! PUT ME DOWN!
I was having a good time reading until human REMOVED me.
Why am I in a bowl, human?
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