Defunct preacher's daughter, baptized in dirty water. A creative mind loosely contained. Flirtiness is next to godliness, but I forget the scripture reference.
.@funnyguy How could you tell?! I thought I kept myself well-hidden. :( You're a goddamn ninja.
Guess my superpower is getting bacony breakfast in bed w/out earning it in any way, shape, or form. I win @ friendship.
How do you like them apples, @beerclub4men? #WWF
Zombie foreplay? Cracks me up.
STOLEN! @nad_imz, come on. Did you honestly think we wouldn't notice? (@evanrhorne)
If you like a tweet, @nad_imz, proper etiquette is to use the RETWEET button. No one likes a thief. Thanks.
Compliments like these make some days more worthwhile than others.
Tastiest 2” I've had at the gym in a looong time. Mm mm good.
Hey @chefbrink - you may wanna have your people rerun their numbers...another staunch Repub Oregonian vote for Obama.
Why yes, every morning SHOULD start out like a scene from a horror flick.
My lesbian of a sister has no gaydar whatsoever. #ThisJustHappened
Now THAT is my kinda party. Clean up on aisle 15!
I want. I will. (AP)
This is what happens when you text and drive
I think @jamesostafford is trying to get me tipsy. Doesn't he realize he can just ask me?
Who needs a Hitachi when you have this?! My thighs are still throbbing. I think I'm in love.
My eye candy. Mine!
This really did happen to me.
Cardiac arrest much? #NotMine *gag*
At last, my current view. #GoDucks #InChipWeTrust
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