I am a cat, being held captive by Mom and her crazy roommate.
@TheDublinCook Bro, I don't feel so hot. *vomits* *passes out cold next to BFF*
I'm too sexy for my hat. Too sexy for my hat. I'm a sexy, drunk cat. #StPatricksDayStan
@TheDublinCook Kill me now, bro. Please. I'm begging you. #HangoverStan
Bitch makes me wear this f*cking thing on my head & drinks all my f*cking booze. Crazy Girl is gonna die. #MadStan
Shit. I've run out of booze. Somebody call 9-1-1. #Emergency
Put this photo on my pope application to prove I'm Godlike. Vatican said it was photoshopped. F*ck. #BustedStan
Want some candy, little bitches? #VDStan
And they wonder why I hate holidays. Kill me now.
Shit. Death Paws sent his associate to collect my gambling debts. I'm dead. *cries*
I was supposed to run in the LA Marathon, but I was way too hung over from yesterday's festivities.*cries*
Shit. How the f*ck can I be out of beer already?? *wails loudly*
You don't even wanna know what I had to do to get all these beads. *pukes red beans, crawfish & hurricanes*
As punishment for the candy incident, Crazy Girl made me wear a dress on my hot V-Day date. Oh, the humiliation.
How dare Crazy Girl accuse me of eating all her V-Day candy? Where's the proof, bitch? Oh. Never mind. *hides*
Happy Valentine's Day, bitches!
Now I know where Crazy Girl gets all her money.
@TheDublinCook There's a Hurricane brewing inside my head. Hope I sober up by St. Patrick's Day. *pukes*
Crazy Girl should know better than to leave her Valentine's Day candy where I can get at it.
@TheDublinCook Vodka + Tuna Tequila = The Hangover From Hell. When will I ever learn? *vomits into Christmas hat*
@TheDublinCook After last night's Dubbypalooza/Stanleypalooza, I may not wake up 'til Christmas.
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