Life scientist, professional red shirt, always right & host of the @brewbloods and @thebreakroom podcasts.

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Photo from tonight’s live at !

A perfect example of why I’m leaving and the iPhone for & theGalaxy S3: frequent lack of service.

Drinking is hard.

Taylor Swift greeting cards: to cheaply soothe your friend who’s been dumped AGAIN for being a whiny psycho.

11 AM at . The barbecue is calling my name.

Weakest craft beer list evar.

Hipster bros that wear deep V-neck t-shirts to expose your concave chests: just stop. You’re the worst.

Bitches know they shouldn’t put chips in front of me. This shit my Energon cubes, mothabitznatchbitchfuckas. #LaborDay

Ladies and gentlemen, bass drummer extraordinaire / bewildered flaming hula champion, .

Ladies and gentlemen, .

. , your label for Black Jack porter looks like “Black Sack.” I think this should be the actual name.

You should receive a ticket every time you don’t properly park your car. On the 3rd time you should lose your license.

People are assholes. Found this abandoned dog today in Deep Ellum; obviously been put up to fighting; a lotta scars.

Your kids are getting armor-piercing rounds and rocket launchers from Santa this year.

Awesome! ’s dad still eats off this TV tray and it’s almost in mint condition. I had one as a kid. Want!

SLAP FIGHT betwixt and myself!

Cantaloupe straight from the garden. Om nom nom.

All these chicken legs at the gym sure are making me hungry.

You’re jealous of my dancing.

This seems like a harsh viewing angle for your TV. #TotalRecall