I can't believe people have unfollowed me just because I haven't tweeted for two years. I will return to Twitter on September 14th 2017.
I have made a Mother's Day card. Feel free to print it out and give it to your own mum.
I am in a room. There is food.
Viene una tormenta.
AN INCREDIBLE CONCENTRATION OF TWAT WITHIN ONE SHOT.
WOMAN IN NEWSNIGHT WEARING CRAZY DRESS ALERT.
Earlier I saw two men walk past. One was wearing very bad shorts. It angered me.
Poor Emma. I doubt she has enough breastmilk for all of Britain's babies.
My brilliant analysis of Rowan Williams, David Dimbleby and THE TRUTH.
@the_overfed My desk floor. I'm working from home.
I make clear my feelings about Masterchef.
I am on a sofa on a stage. This is my view.
I bite my fingers all day. When I emerge from my evening bath, they are not a pretty sight.
Last night my tweets with John Torode reached a new erotic high.
Red has beaten yellow in today's Guardian Connect Four text challenge.
The highlight of Newsnight so far has been Nigel Lawson releasing a dove.
It's really weird, if you look at the background of the photo... it's clearly Voldemort.
I wore this jacket constantly in the 1990s. I was a proper indie kid.
Now with corrected typo.
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