I can't believe people have unfollowed me just because I haven't tweeted for two years. I will return to Twitter on September 14th 2017.

Photos and Videos by @themanwhofell

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That's my netbook, the telly and a small bottle of disgusting Jagermeister.

  • 2513 days ago via site
  • 152

There it is again. Will they catch the villains? No-one knows.

  • 2514 days ago via site
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The police helicopter. This is all very exciting. My microwaved soup will have to wait.

  • 2514 days ago via site
  • 154

Here is a mind-bending photo taken in a toilet cubicle in Spain. Safe for work.

  • 2514 days ago via site
  • 151

Here is a photo of my legs and feet, in Barcelona. Sunburn is beginning to develop.

  • 2514 days ago via site
  • 124

In homage to the return of Robbie Williams, here's a bit of my book, featuring him.

  • 2518 days ago via site
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A photo of me taking a photo of myself in a Barcelona restaurant mirror. Cryptic.

  • 2521 days ago via site
  • 155

Today's topical news pic shows Anne Robinson facing the ageism and sexism of TV.

  • 2521 days ago via site
  • 131

I just made a steak sandwich using reduced-price-about-to-expire-Sainsburys steak. Here.

  • 2522 days ago via site
  • 169

The famed All Bran chocolate bars. They said it would never happen.

  • 2523 days ago via site
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Because my public demanded it, here is a photo of my tuna jacket potato.

  • 2532 days ago via site
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My much-bitten thumb, looking a bit like a vole's penis.

  • 2533 days ago via site
  • 127

And here's some griebenschmaltz on a cracker. It was a gift from my brother-in-law.

  • 2533 days ago via site
  • 119

What's that? Is it a delicious yoghurt with cornflakes in it? No. The "cream" is fat, and the "cornflakes" are onion. Griebenschmaltz.

  • 2533 days ago via site
  • 166

The other day my nephews saw a wasp stuck in a spider's web, trying to escape. It was very exciting.

  • 2534 days ago via site
  • 137

This was my brother-in-law's choice. He plumped for the black pudding and liver. It was 'chewy'.

  • 2538 days ago via site
  • 173

This was my breakfast. I'm supposed to be on a diet, but I had to show my brother-in-law a good time.

  • 2538 days ago via site
  • 191

Is this the most hated man in Britain?

  • 2539 days ago via site
  • 636

If you look at the CCTV of that jewel robbery you can distinctly make out the ghost of Michael Jackson.

  • 2542 days ago via site
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One of the top BBC stories is about a cat rescuing a man from a fire.

  • 2542 days ago via site
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