I can't believe people have unfollowed me just because I haven't tweeted for two years. I will return to Twitter on September 14th 2017.
It turns out the thud I heard last night was indeed a bird crashing into the window. There's an imprint and some feathers.
I told you. And none of you believed me.
Have you ever wondered wha your favourite Twitterers look like? Now you know. Retweet.
I can't believe I came top in THE OFFICIAL POLL for the best person on Twitter.
Yom Kippur ending with a beautiful sunset. Makes me want to set fire to things.
This man is still a bit of a twat.
This man is a bit of a twat.
Making canapes. But are they good enough for Michel Roux Jr?
The lights on my ceiling. They were designed by HP Lovecraft.
MY girlfriend had sea bass, which is a kind of fish. It tasted like a fishy cloud. That is a good thing.
LOOK at it. Look at it. The biggest, juiciest kleftico. I could marry it. Or just fuck it. Or eat it.
THE houmouss was very oily, which is good. The calamari was very squiddy, which is even better.
LOOK at those starters. Ridiculously, they are free. It truly is the best restaurant of all time.
HERE is some fruit and veg at a shop in Bounds Green. Plentiful grapes.
LAST night my girlfriend and I went to glamorous Bounds Green for a Greek meal. Here is Bounds Green.
My own tribute to Keith Floyd on the BBC's Have Your Say page.
My favourite Daily Mail comment on last night's Derren Brown thing.
Bill Cosby and Richard Dawkins really do look VERY similar. Even dress the same.
My pizza. I added antipasti and extra cheese.
And here's a doodle I did on the back of an envelope whilst watching Nigel Slater.
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