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Only 9 hours late -- thanks work -- but I'm ready to go. Even if MLB at bat notification's tried to spoil the ending.

With Gray being the 9th consecutive different #Athletics opening day starter, I looked them all up since 2000.

Yes, I am infinitely better than . And it's a good thing Trumbo's defense doesn't count. That was hideous.

I don't want to alarm you, but I found something weird in the lawn this morning. #EastCoastSucks

Exhibit a through infinity why bridge sucks (I'm South, the hand at the bottom).


Boyfights is the perfect #ArrestedDevelopment themed fantasy football name.

How does something called Columbia's Recruitment of Academic Personnel get an acronym of RAPS? Stupid Ivy Leaguers.

Two wrongs do make a right. They also have a leftover n and g.


God's rather generous.
p.s. Is the moon Heaven?

And I named myself after my favorite Futurama character.

Did I get toothpaste or yogurt?

Can we believe what x says? Yes, because a, b, and c (for proof of a, b, and c, see x).

Hey guys, can we believe what x says? Yes, because x says a, b, and c.

Dude, that's the email you're putting in your article in this statistics magazine? #IsItTheEmailOrHotmailThatIsWorse?

Note to self: Don't go to the UK. You can get 14 years in prison for not supplying or producing drugs.

Come on Target. Red velvet chocolate milk > Snickerdoodle milk. The other Target around here better have it.

Was confused why my fantasy football team was 5-1. Worry no more as I'm en route to my third straight loss.

. says the second most important video from game 1 of the World Series is Wainwright bumping his head.

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