Matt Sussman

@suss2hyphens

Sustainable humor advocate by recycling jokes and puns. Gigglemetrician at @baseballpro. I made @HustleBelt. You should try curling.

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RT : I'd pay $5000 to see Juan Pierre wearing Placido Polanco's helmet.

  • 809 days ago via site
  • 319

Magglio Lairdoñez.

Count's currently 1-4. Can he do it?

Analyzed Dotel's pitches from last night. Conclusion: he was thinking about airplanes.

Can't imagine what Verlander's pissed about. Nope.

(cc: Delmon Young)

Sorry, couldn't hear you over Orel Hershiser's glasses.

The moon looks great tonight.

Thinking of growing a mustache for the wedding. Too classy?

  • 897 days ago via site
  • 156

The McCrib is back —

Gerald Laird's World Series ring:

Apologies to and with his blessing:

So, wait. Which two teams are in the World Series again?

  • 1017 days ago via site
  • 142

Doesn't seem like anybody can run this country. Just put the automatic president in charge.

My exclusive report on why the 2011 Red Sox didn't make the playoffs. Hits newsstands tomorrow!

  • 1024 days ago via site
  • 161

If the strike zone were Hollywood Squares, Ball 2 would have grazed Whoopi's dreads.

  • 1026 days ago via site
  • 90

Sit on a tack, Texas weather.

BREAKING: Verlander is 6-foot-5-inches.