The fact that I was laughing the entire time made the handjob that much better.

The fact that I was laughing the entire time made the handjob that much better.

if there's one class of animal that primarily consists of assholes, it's the birds. I mean, just look at stupid asshole!

If Larry David new about Black Lips' singers' simulated male pattern baldness, he'd kick his ass!

My first job. Life is tough.

Trying to patent a pedal powered sybian bike named the “CreamCycle”. No relation to the Creamsicle.

Chinese man breaks into Manhattan orphanage & steals all the pillows. 4 yr old managed to take this on iPhone.

Chinese man breaks into Manhattan orphanage & steals all the pillows. 4 year old managed to snap this shot on his iPhone.

Sorry, @SayCheeseDie, you're too ugly to be in my next movie, and I have pretty low standards.

@magicneedsmagic - If I was gay, Ben Affleck would not be my number one choice. Bobby Lee would be.

...and the giraffe that pumps my soap.

The perverted Gorilla that watches me shower.

Pepper jack & pastrami on whole wheat w/ mustard, spinach w/ vinaigrette, dill pickle, blueberries.

shhh don't tell wifey

Seahorse.

I didn't know about this one either.

If you like Meho Plaza and are in Los Angeles on Sunday...

Can you find @the_real_shaq, @jon_favreau, @marthastewart, Flying Lotus, & Dustin of @hstmusic?

Iron Man vs. Wolverine and both played by me. If I was a girl my panties would be wet right now and you would eat them.

@Jon_Favreau - Not sure if you were planning on making Iron Man 3. HINT HINT.