Amazing. Minutes after we were done, @USCIS staff prepping next oath ceremony. 4 a day of 150 folks! #sroopausa

I know the NSA is everywhere these days, but this is ridiculous! #prism

TOP TEN TWEETS BY ANTHONY WEINER NOW THAT HE'S BACK ON TWITTER
(With Apologies to David Letterman)

As imagined by Tony Ramirez - @HildyJohns on Twitter: http://twitter.com/hildyjohns

10. Little Anthony and the Imperials are back, baby!

9. You're awfully sexy when you're disgusted by my very existence.

8. Ooops! The old Ball-and-Chain almost saw that.

7. Congress just wasn't my scene. Big Apple, baby.

6. If I'm elected Mayor, the Big Gulp is back, if you know what I mean (LMFAO).

5. The mouth on Christine Quinn.

4. Can't believe The New York Times Magazine fell for all that.

3. Okay, Weiner's a funny name, but Albanese?

2. That goes double for de Blasio.

And the Number One Tweet by Anthony Weiner now that he's back on Twitter.

1. Just getting the hang of Vine. Awesome videos on the way.

TOP TEN TWEETS BY ANTHONY WEINER NOW THAT HE'S BACK ON TWITTER
(With Apologies to David Letterman)

As imagined by Tony Ramirez - @HildyJohns on Twitter: http://twitter.com/hildyjohns

10. Little Anthony and the Imperials are back, baby!

9. You're awfully sexy when you're disgusted by my very existence.

8. Ooops! The old Ball-and-Chain almost saw that.

7. Congress just wasn't my scene. Big Apple, baby.

6. If I'm elected Mayor, the Big Gulp is back, if you know what I mean (LMFAO).

5. The mouth on Christine Quinn.

4. Can't believe The New York Times Magazine fell for all that.

3. Okay, Weiner's a funny name, but Albanese?

2. That goes double for de Blasio.

And the Number One Tweet by Anthony Weiner now that he's back on Twitter.

1. Just getting the hang of Vine. Awesome videos on the way.

Instant classic NYT correction. This is a hall-of-famer. Thanks to Doug Levy, @sfdoug, for spotting it.

@lavrusik, @knegnadhiESPN: two years ago, I tweeted out your major #mediamoves - @timehop reminded me:

By Tony Ramirez - follow Tony on Twitter: @HildyJohns - http://twitter.com/hildyjohns

Top 10 Target Department Store Excuses for Labeling a Plus-Sized Woman's Dress After a Rotund Marine Mammal
(With Apologies to David Letterman)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22044793

10. We were gonna call it Hippopotamus Gray.

9. The boss just loves him some Sea World.

8. Sailors used to mistake manatees for mermaids, am I right, people?

7. We cleared it with Queen Latifah.

6. Politically correct, politically correct, politically correct.

5. We were gonna call it Sea Cow.

4. It's the 51st Shade of Gray.

3. We didn't do it on porpoise.

2. The manatee is the Kate Upton of the Sirenians.

And the Number One Target Department Store Excuse for Labeling a Plus-Sized Woman's Dress After a Rotund Marine Mammal...

1. Manatee Gray is a seasonal color used across Target product categories, from apparel to sport utility vehicles.

TOP TEN MALE SECRET SERVICE AGENT REACTIONS TO A WOMAN AS NEW HEAD 
OF THE SECRET SERVICE

By Tony Ramirez - follow Tony on Twitter: @HildyJohns - http://twitter.com/hildyjohns

10. Yes, ma'am, your earpiece is positioned correctly. ma'am.

9. Yes, ma'am, FLOTUS on the scrambled line, ma'am.

8. Yes, ma'am, you say Jump, we say, How High?

7. Yes, ma'am, Clint Eastwood, on the scrambled line, ma'am.

6. Yes, ma'am, they were very, very naughty boys, ma'am.

5. Yes, ma'am, we will grow a new pair.

4. Yes, ma'am, we will pay that woman what she's owed.

3. Yes, ma'am, we will make him apologize to Sarah Palin.

2. Yes, ma'am, we will invite you that secret cigar club in New York.

And the Number One Male Secret Service Agent Reaction to a Woman as Head of the Secret Service

1. A chick? 

TOP TEN THINGS THAT I, POPE FRANCIS, HAVE DISCOVERED BY LIVING IN THE
VATICAN GUEST HOUSE, AND NOT THE POPE'S PALACE

By Tony Ramirez - Follow him on Twitter @HildyJohns - http://twitter.com/hildyjohns

(With Apologies to David Letterman)

10. The Girl Scouts make really good cookies.

9. How did Carrot Top get in here?

8. The nuns really like their guitars.

7. I can sneak empanadas in.

6. The wi-fi's terrible. 

5. The Papal Apartments I don't really miss. The chocolate on the pillow, that I miss.

4. They got HBO.

3. Those guys from the Curia keep getting lost.

2. Without those wet-blanket college interns, I can tweet as much as I want.


And the Number One Thing That I, Pope Francis, Have  Discovered By Living in the Vatican
Guest House, and Not the Pope's Palace...

1. Joe Biden's freaking hilarious.

So, a Chinese billionaire who's building a golf course in Iceland. Tony Ramirez imagines 10 reasons why... Follow Tony on Twitter: http://twitter.com/HildyJohns

THE TOP TEN REASONS THAT I, A CHINESE BILLIONARE, WANT TO BUILD A GOLF COURSE
IN, OF ALL PLACES, ICELAND

(With Apologies to David Letterman)

http://goo.gl/WIqiQ [goo.gl]

10. My Israeli wife said I was the second-biggest schmuck in the world. (That’s a Western term of endearment.)

9. Want to see the $1 million golf clubs I got at the pro shop at St. Andrew’s, the one in Ireland?

8. Chairman Mao came to me in a dream.

7. It’s really going to be SPECTRE Island, but don’t tell anybody.

6. I’ve got more money than Buddha.

5. Two words: Icelandic babes.

4. I lost a bet.

3. Elin Nordegren made me do it.

2. Have you seen the air in Beijing lately? You could slice it with a knife.

And the Number One Reason That I, A Chinese Billionaire, Want to Build a Golf Course in,
Of All Places, Iceland …

1. “Damn it. I thought it was Greenland.”

Only in Oregon: Cars like this - "I fly low."

A sign I spotted at the desk of @AliManzano of @Oregonian. The backstory is below.

I recently spent a day doing workshops at @Oregonian, the largest news org in the Pacific Northwest (didn't know that fact), which is edited by my friend, Peter Bhatia (@PeterBhatia - follow him - he's one of the few top daily editors on Twitter).

I was hosted by @AliManzano, the dynamic social media editor there. She really knows her stuff, but what really struck me was her attitude and relentless cheerfulness. Here I was, coming from NYC, and she could have been worried about me big-footing her carefully laid training and coaching plans (sometimes, her counterparts in other newsrooms insist on giving me a set of detailed "say this/don't say that" instructions). Instead, she embraced the opportunity and was a cheerleader for a fun series of classes. Fun enough that we were trending most of the day in Portland; I posted this photo, using the ArcFrame app, after we were done: http://bit.ly/sreepdx

This sign at her desk, I have since decided, is Alexandra's secret to success to working better than most of us. She certainly pays close attention to 8-10: "say it simple" |
be calm" | "smile"...

I met lots of cool folks there - too many to name here, but should mention @JJeremiahCasey (aka Jerry Casey), the online editor; and @Sngager (aka Susan Gage), the managing editor - who, along with Peter, are setting the standards for how a venerable newspaper can also be a leader in the digital age. - @sree | sree@sree.net

"To have great poets there must be great audiences." - Walt Whitman. Sign at legendary @Powells Books in Portland

As you may have heard, the Pope has social media interns - http://mashable.com/2013/03/18/pope-francis-social-media/ - and here Tony Ramirez (@HildyJohns) imagines their top 10 complaints.

TOP TEN COMPLAINTS
OF POPE FRANCIS'S
SOCIAL-MEDIA INTERNS

10. Had to convince the Pontiff that "poking" is so over. 
9. Dennis Rodman keeps asking for re-tweets.
8. His Holiness is always mumbling "Zuckerberg."
7. Static on the Skype account. Is it Satan?
6. There's a cardinal who keeps complaining that he doesn't get upvotes on Redditt.
5. There's a cardinal who wants one of us to go to seminary, if you know what we mean.
4. Always the same damned question from "L'Osservatore Romano": what's search engine optimization? 
3. If we've tweeted it once, we've tweeted it a thousand times: the Pope IS Catholic.
2. Matthew Keys made our lives miserable.

And the Number One Complaint of Pope Francis's Social Media Interns...

1. You don't have many characters left after "transubstantiation."

The annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) was held in Maryland this weekend. Here are 10 things we might have learned from the event, according to Tony Ramirez. He's @hildyjohns on Twitter; follow him: http://twitter.com/hildyjohns

Top names for the next Pope, if the Vatican sold naming rights - by Tony Ramirez, @hildyjohns on Twitter.

From Tony Ramirez (@hildyjohns): Top 10 excuses from airport security officials for letting through an undercover inspector with a bomb in his pants (twice - this really happened).

1st time my kids have insisted I tweet lunch - loving savory & sweet pies at new 24/7 @piefaceusa (36th & 7th Av)

Wow, almost didn't recognize this as St Patrick's Cathedral (@stpatsnyc)

Top 10 Reasons the Tea Party is Happy w/ the #Sequester, by Tony Ramirez (@HildyJohns - follow him!)