Ben Schwartz

@rejectedjokes

Jean-Ralphio on Parks and Rec, Clyde Oberholt on House of Lies, Randy on Randy Cunningham, Performer at the UCB Theatre, Calvin and Hobbes enthusiast.

Photos and Videos by @rejectedjokes

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  • 900 days ago via site
  • 2,123

The child molesting room at this airport is actually pretty nice.

Almost got into an accident taking a twitpic of this.

Is it safe to assume this author is just with a moustache?

They ain't afraid of no ghost but surely they are terrified of parallel parking.

I live in Los Angeles.

The Moneyball trailer proves that Brad Pitt has officially morphed into Robert Redford.

  • 1037 days ago via site
  • 2,605

How do u not add a bag of chips to this deal?

- Oh, you mean comedy?

  • 1102 days ago via site
  • 1,107

Ads are everywhere for this soft core porn (based on the film Just Wright) yet I'm still not interested.

Turns out it was the mama.

WAY better tasting than the LeBrownie James smoothie. And way less tears. NYK.

NY needs to know. Which exotic endangered species will walt Clyde Frazier wear tonight?

The Rooster's speech by me and . More at RejectedJokes.com.

RT #humblebrag

Fine! If we get u a sign will u stop saying "but the rabbi has one and I need to be where he is."

Missed connections NYC: On the 4 uptown. You were cute. I had seed. Saw you looking.

This is either Tom Selleck's house or a meeting place for creepy uncles.

I need fuel.

  • 1255 days ago via site
  • 1,304

I don't trust these berries.

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