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Relax, I'm a comedian. Check out RoastmasterGeneral.com for my live shows in your area.
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Yeah. It's raining. We ate some ice cream together. RT @adgenead Did you bring the cute kitty inside yet?
Why does this wild beast keep knockin on my front door? Gonna let him/her freeze. What do u guys think?
This kittty keeps knockin on my door & meowing till I let her in. Only eats ice cream. Ya think she's homeless?
Oh no @DavidSpade is dead. Services at The Bank in Las Vegas right now courtesy of @lightgroup
Happy birthday @bengleib
Another delicious dessert murder at @blujamcafe
Shit is about to go down at the Grease sing-a-long in The Hollywood Bowl. Go grease lightenen'
Thx for comin in for the benefit next week. Now I'm about to tear this ass up. RT @Ralphie_May We only have fun.
What's goin on tonight Chicago? I got the night off. Who wants to take a ride?
Wait till u all see my new hairdoo tonight. It's called The Trumpadour. #trumproast airs 10:30pm after @danieltosh
U mean my Trumpadour? Xo RT @chrissyteigen enjoyed ur hair last night.remember grazing my hands across its beauty
U mean my Trumpadour? RT @chrissyteigen really enjoyed your hair last night. think i remember grazing my hands across its beauty.
Canter's Deli 4am #winner
New York's Finest car service ever. ♥
We brought somethin for every taste...Robert Klein, @countingcrows, @sarahtiana, @colinkane, Stewie Stone, & me.
Thanks to @colinkane for letting me crash his show in Berlin last night. Check out the after party...
Doctor's orders
Fun RT @StephenGlickman Hey @Bigtimerush and @realjeffreyross fans! Tonight on nickelodeon at 8pm you get both!
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