My dream job is to write for Saturday Night Live. Keeping fingers crossed...not because I'm hopeful but because it keeps me from flipping off pedestrians.
At some point you end up in the internet's basement, where you find things like bags of vintage bat guano.
"Don't you mean Denise?" #JordanPeele #KeeganMKey #substituteteachet
So, I'm saying this bird has frontal junk. Not much more to add really (except maybe some little glass birdie balls.)
Put a battery operated candle in my room. Thought it would be soothing...ended up being creepy. This is what I see...
So how do you get back at someone when they play a joke like this on you? Murder??? Yep, I'm thinking murder.
Coca Cola Light? What the fuck is this madness???
I have a headache, I'm late for a cookout and now I have to outrun The Nothing from "The Neverending Story." #shit
Best day of my life for 2 reasons, 1) cops finally showed up at a donut shop, & 2) I wasn't the one getting arrested.
Just think, you can get 1/8th the tire for 3x the money & trust ur life at 70mph on something that looks like this...
Game Icon Pop Quiz: Famous Ppl category. I said this pic was Stevie Wonder. It was @WhoopiGoldberg . Sorry Whoopi.
Game: Iconmania in "Famous Celebs" category: Guessed pic to be Stevie Wonder. It was @WhoopiGoldberg . Sorry Whoopi.
A paraglider slammed into my buddy's truck. Nowhere in the span of my 44 yrs can I find a personal story to top that.
Sent 2 @amberwolf one nite 2 scare her cuz I'm dickish like that. Accidently terrified myself w/ it this morning.
Almost time to take #43 down and wear it once again. Don't u mess this up for me Polamalu! @tpolamalu
Almost time to take #43 down and wear it once again. Don't u mess this up for me Troy! @tpolamalu
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