GA Kudzu

@ninjacarhorn

My dream job is to write for Saturday Night Live. Keeping fingers crossed...not because I'm hopeful but because it keeps me from flipping off pedestrians.

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At some point you end up in the internet's basement, where you find things like bags of vintage bat guano.

"Don't you mean Denise?" #JordanPeele #KeeganMKey #substituteteachet

So, I'm saying this bird has frontal junk. Not much more to add really (except maybe some little glass birdie balls.)

Put a battery operated candle in my room. Thought it would be soothing...ended up being creepy. This is what I see...

So how do you get back at someone when they play a joke like this on you? Murder??? Yep, I'm thinking murder.

Coca Cola Light? What the fuck is this madness???

I have a headache, I'm late for a cookout and now I have to outrun The Nothing from "The Neverending Story." #shit

Best day of my life for 2 reasons, 1) cops finally showed up at a donut shop, & 2) I wasn't the one getting arrested.

Just think, you can get 1/8th the tire for 3x the money & trust ur life at 70mph on something that looks like this...

Game Icon Pop Quiz: Famous Ppl category. I said this pic was Stevie Wonder. It was . Sorry Whoopi.

Game: Iconmania in "Famous Celebs" category: Guessed pic to be Stevie Wonder. It was . Sorry Whoopi.

A paraglider slammed into my buddy's truck. Nowhere in the span of my 44 yrs can I find a personal story to top that.

Sent 2 one nite 2 scare her cuz I'm dickish like that. Accidently terrified myself w/ it this morning.

Almost time to take #43 down and wear it once again. Don't u mess this up for me Polamalu!

Almost time to take #43 down and wear it once again. Don't u mess this up for me Troy!

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