I know how to use the three seashells.
@imfabulous13 have you already lost your crime cheat sheet? Here:
This is what happens when you try to take a selfie with a bunny.
Yay new iPhone! Now show me Blue Steel!
#Ferguson in a nutshell. (Source: http://bit.ly/1rxfk2U)
I love that my autocorrect capitalizes Fleshlight for me.
CVS has blank VHS tapes on sale if anyone needs 'em.
There's always some asshole on the squat rack doing his pussy-ass arm curls. Let someone do some REAL work in there.
@neiltyson I didn't know you're a bunny owner too! I didn't think I could love you more. Lulu says "Hi Ozzie!"
NASA just Instagrammed a mudslide from space and I'm a bad person because all I could think was "Accidental Dong!"
I didn't really care about Bieber getting arrested until I saw a photo of the arrest... lol
@DeadlyAccurate Good Guy Candy Land:
@nicolewolverton @tsullivanphoto it may not taste as good, but at least I'm not cold or shoveling snow.
Seeing the words "Ron Jeremy Trending" on Facebook just makes me laugh.
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