395 days ago from site
It's taking every ounce of self-restraint I possess to keep from hanging her in the closet. must.cut.hanger.off.
401 days ago from site
A bajillion pairs of sheer panties w/fur trim at the thrift? Somewhere, Elizabeth Berkley is crying.
406 days ago from site
Doing my best @doverbey impression. Ha-cha-cha-cha.
411 days ago from site
422 days ago from site
426 days ago from site
Times so desperate only sequins can save me now.
430 days ago from site
Nerdvana: The Alice in Geekland edition
433 days ago from site
I don't think it's working ...
436 days ago from site
ME: Hey, what-cha doing in there? HIM: Just chillin.
437 days ago from site
You know the economy is getting bad when they fire the price scanning machines.
439 days ago from site
About to make out with a really hot piece of tail. #fidlrschooloftwitpicnamingforhits
440 days ago from site
For those of you who haven't replicated yet, welcome to your future domicile.
443 days ago from site
Dear inconsiderate prick neighbor always blocking the road, please die in a fire, or move. Your choice!
444 days ago from site
Reason #212 I can't wait for Halloween: it's torture a baby by stuffing them in a costume season!
445 days ago from site
3 teenage girls + babysitting for 10 measly minutes = WTF?
447 days ago from site
What's luckier than a garden-variety fortune cookie? A cookie and a 1/2, bitches! Kapow!
450 days ago from site
Okay, you have 3 seconds to guess: Human snack or dog snack?
452 days ago from site
Hey kidz: Make life easier for your stalkers. All your social media info on one convenient card!
453 days ago from site
Let's start a twitpic body dysmorphia meme! Brad used to go to the gym. I used to not.eat.ever.
457 days ago from site
Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin bribes babies.
