Matt Whatsit

@mattwhatsit

Stole some Chewits in 1979. The guilt still haunts me. Prurient.

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Hi Dave, is this what you mean by 'can do'? *dances, wipes bum* #cpc11

Ronseal. Does exactly what it says on the tits.

It all went a bit 'Weekend At Bernie's' at Liam Fox's 50th last night didn't it?

I also found this one of my 5yo. "ONE POINT TWENTY ONE JIGGA-WATTS!"

Y'know, keepin' the sponsors happy.

Y'know, keeping the sponsors happy.

One of my 5yo's favourites.

Just found these motherfickers in the fridge. Gas Mark 7 for 12 minutes LIKE A BITCH! #Peroni

Stress the 'probably'. Here's another pic. He is also on the left.

This is Dan. Not gay.

In a reception waiting area. Socialists look away NOW!

Goooooood MORNING! #regular

Give up your seat for pot-bellied men or the dance teacher off of Fame.

It's OK, she got this one too.

The girl at zorbing got a pic of me and 11yo in ball. She handed phone back to me and said, "Hope it comes out OK!"

I'm at Pod London, about to be thrown down this hill. #zorbing

Look what I got! (thx to ) Xx

Too early?

Whoring my birthday really paid off! You're all lovely. And really, unsettlingly odd. Xx Here's my friend Brett's text.

Got it! Ellie off of Ice Age. #JohnBarrowmansHair