Even though my fucking cat turned her back on the 49ers, I never did.

#FF How wonderful is @tracy_marq? I named my favorite ornament after her.

Is this what love looks like?

Honestly, I just want a guy I can send pics like this to and he won't roll his eyes:

Do you think these socks will help me find my future husband tonight?

One more, guys! The answer is ZERO, right? I AM A GENIUS.

Help! Taking a quiz in traffic school. What's the answer to 15? #SeriousTweet

Being in this aisle makes me simultaneously blush and shit.

I feel important when my house cleaner leaves this for me. (I am a lonely, asshole.)

#FF Oh @Imaliwaller, I'm also a wreck! Is my outfit too matchy matchy? Shit, can we still hang out? PLEASE!

Honestly, I just want a guy I can do this with:

Revolt in Egypt and I'm preoccupied with which plastic watch will match today's outfit. I am an American.

Got a love letter in the mail from my boyfriend. God, he SO gets me.

I cannot contain myself. I sprout with sexiness.

The primary benefit of granny underpants is awesome butt crack coverage.

I think my fart startled them.

My cousin pointed out the cat hair on my shirt and said, "Maybe this is why you're single." #holidays

After years of working out to the same yoga DVD, these women have become my "real" friends. They get me.

This is what my shits look like. Jealous?

Am I the last A's fan left in the Bay Area? So lonely.