I have a weakness for split infinitives.
Even though my fucking cat turned her back on the 49ers, I never did.
#FF How wonderful is @tracy_marq? I named my favorite ornament after her.
Is this what love looks like?
Honestly, I just want a guy I can send pics like this to and he won't roll his eyes:
Do you think these socks will help me find my future husband tonight?
One more, guys! The answer is ZERO, right? I AM A GENIUS.
Help! Taking a quiz in traffic school. What's the answer to 15? #SeriousTweet
Being in this aisle makes me simultaneously blush and shit.
I feel important when my house cleaner leaves this for me. (I am a lonely, asshole.)
#FF Oh @Imaliwaller, I'm also a wreck! Is my outfit too matchy matchy? Shit, can we still hang out? PLEASE!
Honestly, I just want a guy I can do this with:
Revolt in Egypt and I'm preoccupied with which plastic watch will match today's outfit. I am an American.
Got a love letter in the mail from my boyfriend. God, he SO gets me.
I cannot contain myself. I sprout with sexiness.
The primary benefit of granny underpants is awesome butt crack coverage.
I think my fart startled them.
My cousin pointed out the cat hair on my shirt and said, "Maybe this is why you're single." #holidays
After years of working out to the same yoga DVD, these women have become my "real" friends. They get me.
This is what my shits look like. Jealous?
Am I the last A's fan left in the Bay Area? So lonely.
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