@ratbanjos Happy Birthday - I made you this cake.
Tastes unhealthy. Delicious but unhealthy. #garlicbreadbaconsandwich
Saw this and thought of you.
People say the word 'genius' has been devalued - but I have no idea where they got that idea from...
To celebrate the Royal Wedding, everyone in Chiswick has come to Starbucks to work on their laptops. #cliche
Thanks to @gralefrit and @JNRaeside I know everything about water. Without it 'there would be no boiled eggs'.
How does Nina Conti get such high profile guests for her show?
Is that a phrase you're meant to use in the Evening Standard, sports columnist Dan Jones?
Tell-tale signs that @garethgwynn has spent a day at home.
...and on the back of that Iceland flyer. Just to really take the piss...
This genuinely arrived in the post this morning. What am I waiting for? Maybe a plane?
Is that really the best you can do, The Times?
Ad Exec: "I've got a great idea; we could use the A-shaped Eiffel Tower as one of the letters in 'Paris'." Ad Exec 2: "Which one?"
Sheep are so racist.
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