I don't know why, but this alone makes my new-to-me, 80-year-old dresser worth it.

If this isn't a hasher, I don't know what is. #onon

Mineminemineminemine.

Thank you, dear fleeing robber, for entertaining us this happy hour.

Playing Plinko with people's phones in Otter Boxes. I love great ideas. #sxsw

Can anyone tell me why on earth @002Houston is now wrapping a free magazine in plastic?

It's a Memory Lane kind of day, so I hauled out ye olde iBook G4. 2004-2006 rightfully do not live on my MacBook.

Case in point: My normally evil cat, laying on the entire length of my arm. He's been militant about his love tonight.

Me and @ScottShoaf are mean. And we're gonna win whatever it is that we're supposed to win. #cadillacexperience

Good night, sweet lady girl.

I hope my Hyundai isn't mad that it's been replaced. Me and this car are gonna run away together.

If you ever wanted to picture me rolling, wonder no more. #thisonesforyoutupac

Guess what time it is? It's time to test drive my hot little Cadillac, baby!

PSA: Watch your wheels driving down Fannin around Preston. There's an open grate, and it eats tires.

I love me some @ScottShoaf. I'm so proud of him for mangling 50 miles today at the Rocky Raccoon! #rr100

My big fat Polish dinner.

Behave yourself, little car. Please don't cost your mommy her life savings.

Uh, yeah, Words With Friends, "slut" is an acceptable word. Trust me on this one.

Now I can pretend every liquid is @karbachbrewing. Until it is, of course.

Dear awesome boyfriend of mine: THIS IS A GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT!