David Schneider

@davidschneider

Actor, writer, comedian. Jack of all trades master of about two. Contains moderate swearing (under 16s beware).

Photos and Videos by @davidschneider

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Twitter! God, I missed you. Back in UK. I brought you those false erect nipples you wanted

Comedy Awards goodie bag. Highlights: pocket guide to Dubai ("Sale. Everything Must Go"?) and a bowel cancer foam bum

Where have these people been? It'll never happen. Unless it's a sperm bank or a w*nk one

Here's a sample of some of the biting Holocaust-related satire I'll be unveiling tonight. Ouch! http://bit.ly/5pLACa

  • 1596 days ago via site
  • 748

Normal tweeting will be resumed soon

  • 1603 days ago via site
  • 1,625

BBC take impartiality too far as they unveil new Children in Need mascot Pudgey

  • 1618 days ago via site
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My new website is up. Come see! daveschneider.co.uk (ps all breakages must be paid for)

  • 1619 days ago via site
  • 857

Ignore earlier tweet re my gay dating site pic. This 80s one is better.

  • 1623 days ago via site
  • 1,289

Going mad uploading photos but think I've found my gay dating site pic

  • 1623 days ago via site
  • 2,221

surely when someone suggested this for their company's name someone else should've said: bollocks

Say my name, Spider! Say my name! A glass and a Royal Mail You Were Out card's all I needed! Say my fucking name!

if we RT this (from Dundas St Edinboro) will it help true love or thrust spam in her inbox (not a euphemism)

good to see Edinburgh council's taken sex education onto the streets

Ladies. Re cleaning. Help me out. Will this mancleaned toilet pass the ladytest (would show you bowl but there are limits)

or the No animals were harmed in the making of this shirt jazzy option?

here's the V neck

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