Cristela Alonzo


Comic, hoodie aficionado, political junkie, hoping to break glass ceiling. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Good. Now I know who to avoid.

Photos and Videos by @cristela9

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In honor of Brett Favre sending pics of his dick to chicks, here's a picture of MY dick.

  • 2146 days ago via site
  • 87

Just a normal night in Sacramento...with my Corona and Cracker Jacks. I multitask my drinking and dessert when I can.

My Indian friend and his white girlfriend suggested a taco place in "northern" Oak Cliff. We'll see.

OMG!!! Guess what I'm doing...this is what I at college gigs...I find a playground.

Guess what airline I'm flying? St Louis, get the arch ready, warn the casinos, I'm coming.

I'm at a gig with DJ Cooch...having dinner and I have to admit...Cooch you were right. The dessert tastes like capirotada...

I'm thinking about getting one. Would rather have it than "Jimmy choos". #youknowyoureatomboy

Saw the TMZ dude at the promenade in Santa Monica announcing the People's Court cases. He's a good looking guy...

This is me wondering where it all went wrong. Something tells me 1996.

I'm watching Wanda Sykes...and my plane has wifi, hi!

My first flight was 29 minutes long! Flipped through Sky Mall. I want to see someone use this...

At airport leaving Chattanooga. It's a full flight. Layover in Hotlanta!

This is how roll on the plane:

Guess what I found at the DFW airport on my layover? Can you guess?

Guess who needed new tires? I'll give you a hint, she's in this pic.

I come to the dollar store because it makes me feel like I'm rich when I buy 20 things...

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