Compendium of useless info. Somebody laughed at one of my jokes once - either that or they were choking on a pretzel. The coroner's report was inconclusive.
The slogan for Port Macquarie should be 'we have pelicans and a port...and fuck all else'
@JamesBywater different side of the world, same old average #140everytime
Why buy a postcard of the Great Barrier Reef when you can just take your own photo?
If Carlsberg made hotel views... #airliebeach
@timolibrown happy Saturday morning! Are there any whales where you are...? ;)
@JamesBywater cheeky very late happy birthday #firstinternetconnectionivehadsincegettingtoaustralia
Does anyone else think this Essex lion thing is a massive publicity stunt for TOWIE? It's probably a llama #montypython
This is what Oldham looks like. In 1 week I will show you what Brisbane, Australia looks like. Better, I expect.
Things I have learned today: prior to the Muslim wedding ceremonies the groom is fed milk by their immediate family
@ThePoke most disgusting office keyboard (NOT mine). The white stuff is a mystery. #worldrecords
@JamesBywater cheeky Lashings #nokevindean
@gailemms did you see JT winning the first of our golds?
There should be a law against Glamour publishing sexy photos of people on toilets. It's just weird.
So my #SPOTY top 12: Wiggins, Farah, Murray, Ennis, Trott, Grainger, Hoy, Kenny, Dujardin, Adams, Jones and John Terry
I'm watching an FA Cup match. It's 11 August. What is wrong with me?!
Putting these to good use. Best £5 I've ever spent. Especially considering I spent £15 on a hat yesterday.
Always been summat shady about Antonio Conte. He looked like this when playing. Now he's like this http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/19079604
Or a slightly better picture of Usain Bolt. What an atmosphere. What a runner. What a night #london2012 #olympics
Fhifogjebwofvjdvid BOLT!! #LONDON2012 #olympics
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