Swimsuit model, ordained minister, breeder. Able to fold a fitted sheet. Has webbed toes. Eats sarcasm for breakfast. @SmutBookClub peddler.

Photos and Videos by @alotofnothing

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This baby keeps pulling out her pacifier. You want this paci, you little punk.

Hey I found your hair feathers.

Do you know what time it is? It's $2 GIANT SANGRIA TIME!

All of the other dips are tasty, but I'm partial to my Sweet Corn & Black Bean Salsa. #PerfectPairing

Dudes. I actually made something. Tostito's Sweet Corn & Bean Salsa #PerfectPairing would be so proud!

I have my tissues ready for Harry Potter. BRINGS IT ON, JK!

(free) Bucket o' booze at Fud's

Eff yeah, beach!

That guy is hot. #DRUNKPANGIE


If I drink enough, the heat will cease to matter, right? #DRUNKPANGIE

Who thought outdoor activities were appropriate ob a day with no wind and 97* heat? Clearly not me.

We are now at the part where we sit under the old lady hairdryer to dry the pink with the uncut hair on our head.

I think it's a good look.

DUDES. There is a kid in this playpark with a Flock of Seagulls haircut. I swear.

Worst marketing promotion packaging ever. "Here's your free stuff, covered in dirt." #fallenskies

Original #planking gangsta

Holy moly! My are on in their #landsend swimsuits! SO proud of you guys.

Allison Janney got a wicked face lift. #StarTours

Wikki Stix may be non-toxic, but what makes them stick? I'll just believe it's magic.