Forever forgetting to wear my contacts to 3D movies. But yay Jurassic Park 3D! #sixeyes

I feel like Phil not be a huntsman. Anyone know if he's dangerous? #spiderwatch2013

Love waking up to a spider in my room and thinking "how many times did that crawl on me while I was asleep?"

Someone's finally caught on to the fact that anyone under 35 buys their wine based on how funny the label is...

@CakeBossRalph

The hallway in my new apartment looks like the Grady Twins from The Shining should be hanging out there...

@eightyfive86

My friends wanted money rather than presents for their wedding so I made them this...