I'm at my uncle's, mowing his lawn with his John Deere tractor mower. Our own push mower back in RVA is broken. I am livin the motherfuckin dream, y'all!

You guys! This meteor shower is awesome. It's amazing how all these stars and meteors look like craptastic clouds and an assload of fog.

Prior to satellite radio, podcasts, and Pandora, I really thought this POD song was some emo bullshit about putting each other out of their collective e misery: "we are, we are: The euthanasia!"

I go all the way to Williamsburg. To hang out with... Richmonders!

I want you all to know: I miss my wife so much I'm eating an avocado omelet. Avocados are not my favorite food, they're hers. That whole adage, you are what you eat? Well, if I can't eat who, er, what I want, avocado surrogate! Amirite?!

"Follow Us on Twitter" is an option on the Walmart website. The internet is officially over. Thanks for coming out.

It's November in Virginia. I am outside and shirtless and it feels great! Bask in my lilly-whiteness! LADIES...

Virginia: Have you voted yet?

Hey man! Hoosierdriva?

This is actually more in focus than my vision of this Lamb of God show at The Norva...

Look everyone! It's W's favorite book from his childhood. Since it was published when he was 25! Schmuck!

@go_ernie_go knocked over my bottle and is drinking beer again. #OHSHIT@VMARINELLIISGONNAKICKMYASS

No ambivalence about @vmarinelli's impending birthday. None at all. 2 months away, but still.

Do you know this pooch? He showed up at our door in Lakeside. @ or DM me if so!

Only original tweets allowed. No @ replies!

I'll take extra zeroes that point out the lack of a company's caring for $800, Alex

Denny's is trying too hard Vol 1: I am NOT comfortable with Hoobastank's Hooburrito in my mouth..

The driver in @vmarinelli's "lawn mower incident" (not a euphemism).

@ThunderDolt & @vmarinelli & @spdracerx