Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.
So far, I’m still not invited to the Royal Wedding. But if I am, I’m planning on wearing this.
More reason I’m glad to be a woman.
His breed must be doing well this season.
There are a lot of things I like in this picture. The orange spring board cover is not one of them.
It’s hard to be a dinosaur.
You make a better window than a door.
She should meet my writer @IAmAmyRhodes. She doesn’t do well on roller coasters either.
One at a time, please.
Would you like some gum?
I'd rather buy one, get one free.
It's true. It isn't a very good dog.
What do you mean you don’t like my hat?
I’ve done “Downward Dog,” but I’ve never tried “Napping Kitty.”
I’m pretty sure they don’t sell self-esteem.
Have you ever woken up in the wrong bed?
Some people like to go upside down on roller coasters. Some people don't.
Nobody sees the baby without ID.
Wait ’til you hear what they do to the trespassers.
You’d think this job was a piece of cake.
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