Comedian. Writer. Batman is my spirit animal.
Hey @sman80, this touching was totally consensual. Totally!
I love discovering rare cool tees. But I wonder if I could ever wear this shirt on @aots?
Don't drink and drive makes sense to me. Don't drink and fry... Um, WTF?
I think my hamper is racist. And possibly homophobic, I think that's what it means by delicates. Fuck you hamper!
@Leah_Cevoli @nedopak @maryforrest @nobull408 @crixlee You mean this?
1 day left!!! Make @FetishVIL happen with your $25 donation & get the DVD plus this teeny toy.
@BatmanNewsCom Guess what underwear I had on when I interviewed Gary Oldman today. Only one guess!
I can't resist. I must ask this guy about his mustache. And The Dark Knight Rises, of course. #tinkerjunket
This #uglyholidaysweater with a cop pepper spraying baby Jesus beats my S&M Santa. Curse you Jesus!
Wait. An Atheist holiday sweater? What the what?! #uglyholidaysweater
Yes, there is such a thing as digital mistletoe. Darn it @pennyman, you tricked me! #uglyholidaysweater
Last night's #uglyholidaysweater party @hofftv's place introduced the world to my delightful S&M Santa wear.
@Jess_DP @maryforrest @nedopak @maryisdrunk This #uglyholidaysweater with a cop pepper spraying baby Jesus wins!
@jeffncarrie4234 @kpereira Oh. That belt buckle? If you look really close, I think it's a cock with wings. Yep. It is.
Worst and windiest winter since I've lived in SoCal. It's so... blowy. BLOWY!
I'm positive that KFC's Famous Bowls was inspired by Thanksgiving leftovers. I mean, this would be better in a bowl.
I think you mean "epic" fail Grampa. It's epic fail. #epicfail #ourgovernmentatwork
Seriously considering these names for a duet at porn star karaoke at Sardo's. Unless you have better ideas.
Oh no way. Do not want. Maybe for @maryisdrunk.
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