Lion trainer. Fitness expert. Anti-muffin activist. Pathological liar.
RT @pepsi Happy Sunglasses Day! Tweet us your best set of shades! // Not all of us are happy about it.
Elaborate diagram illustrating how this beard is ruining my life.
Here's the guy I sat across from in a waiting room, today. When he walked by, I smelled wood chips. Prett neat.
Homemade cashew chicken. Suck on it, P.F. Craphouse!
Happy Holidays, everybody!
The fun thing about drinking at a bar is that you could probably just rape whoever because they're super drunk.
Derby time comin soon. On the trailer and ready to go. GO GETTUM JAMES!! #iwasntlyingaboutdemolitonderbyneighbor
Kickball tonight in Gladstone! Last week of the regular season. Gonna stick my boot up someone's ass. #ThunderBoots
You can say #BartoloColon isn't a fat Chico Marx, but I'll tell you you're dead fucking wrong on that one.#Yankees
Don't go spreadin it all over town, but my sideburns are completely offensive.
FUCK! I did NOT see this comin. #heartattackdiaries
Apparently, Ke$ha's hired my aunt Lois as her personal trainer.
Bethenny Frankel's face is on steroids.
Just knowing this is being served has made me seriously consider leaving the country. #toogross
Gotta closer look. They weren't sponges. Not sure if that's good or bad in the long run.
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