Whatever you think I said, I was probably being sarcastic. Except when I said you're brilliant & gorgeous, then I was being serious.

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My mashed potatoes are here.

The hair is curled. As long as I stay away from open flames I should be fine.

I'm going to close my eyes on this smelly bus & pretend I'm here. #CES

At the #MicrosoftCES party at The Cosmopolitan hotel w/ & . #CES

Are the girls actually IN the truck? I want to know how this works.

I don't even know where the end of this taxi line is. #CES

Quite the crowd waiting to play Kinect! #CES #MicrosoftCES

That's there, not looking ladylike with her dessert. #Intel #CES

Holy shit y'all. #Microsoft is going 2 have 2 pay 4 me 2 live here because I'm not leaving. Ever. #CES #Palazzo

Ah, Vegas. The only place where I pray for airplane delays. #CES

There I am, on the big screen in Times Square w/my #SpecialKResolution phrase! #Paid

I'm at ABC studios in Times Square - stop by & see what you can "gain" this year! #SpecialKResolution #Paid

My mom made a #BJs gingerbread house w/the kids - so cute! #Samp

Hey , I'm at #BJs - no shipping!

Jake Hogan.

As much as I love my #Remington Wet2Straight (#samp), I think I might like my curved Wet2Style a tiny bit more!

How cute is my new hat?

The best Olive Garden waitress in the world slipped these into our leftover bag the other day. Just remembered them - yumm!

I'm at #BJs. If you teach my kids, this is what you're getting.