Now in New Underachieving!
Wow, he must've really fucked you over, huh, Siri?
Look out, Carol Channing. Your Eve Harrington is here
Not sure how this sticker got on my daughter's harp but it's staying there
I've perfected my "Are those organic?" trap
So nice to get some weather here in L.A.
Emmy glamour!! #Emmys
Goddam Northern California liberal wackos!
And I...will SCRATCH YOUR BACK!
My #tweenjeancreamer, "My Bodyguard"
@toddlevin Hard as a rock.
Bring the sexy back #Speedos
Thing #1: Ignore that book on the left.
My kid lost his lunchbox. Is it OK to send him to school with this?
Thus, with the promise of hypoallergenicity, humankind seals its own doom.
Barkeep! The lady wants another Pondwater.
My time machine worked! I'm dirt poor & hugely unpopular but I have enough babysitting money for these.
Craving challah, all of a sudden
Businessman abandons noose of workaday life, converts to nerd at geek altar
"Look mommy, it's that nice lady from American Idol."
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