Why do I get 160 characters in this box? Today I thought I was descended from a T-Rex because of my powerful jaws. Also, great-rack.
Cancer, poverty, blindness, grief, hunger, a lost shoe… #NoGreaterMisfortune
Happy Mommy Love Day. If you’re going to the gig, bring me a beer. #noweirdos
DICK CAT. But, this want I don’t have to get a DNA test. Defo my son.
Has science gone too far?
Yes…I’m the one who watches 2 Broke Girls while doing a Queen Mother jigsaw puzzle.
Might text Karl Lagerfeld a picture of my outfit to prove he’s wrong about sweatpants. I have not given up. (Have)
You’re a bunch if know-alls, what’s that nubbin called to go in here to attach my plug chain to my sink?
My (spotty) watching Game Of Thrones face.
And New Hoover decided I won’t be charging my iDevices either. Or tying my shoes. Or listening to music.
Kitten has decided I won’t be epilating my legs this summer, so that’s one less thing to do.
FUCK KITTENS. FUCK THEM ALL TO HELL. 48hrs: a charger, wineglass, my wine, Apple TV remote, expensive headphones…
Just cutting my mom’s present out of a magazine.
Am I loopy in thinking that’s a Walter Jnr dummy behind Phil in the latest Modern Family?
Yeah, my boner can’t stop…
Do dogs even understand commerce and/or the service industry?
@gingerginger You wanna see the pyjamas I’m wearing with them. Outfit of the year.
Today, on Outside Kerry's Window, a cowboy asking for directions.
I WIN AT EGGS
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