My wife giving birth to our son Peter:

Just happened to walk past the spot I lost my virginity years ago... #memories

My daughter hates this playground:

What the fuck is this? cc: @science

WARNING: Have a tissue handy because you will FUCKING EJACU-BLAST™ if you click this link: http://twitpic.com/7d97p0

WARNING: Have a tissue handy because you will EJACU-BLAST™ if you click this link:

This is my friend Sean, who is pretty much the only person I can trust anymore:

I use this to keep track of all the beautiful sisters I meet on Twitter:

What's a "BARP?"

What can I say? I love vids!

I'm doing a part on @comedycentral's new show "Key & Peele" today. This is my trailer door:

WHAT THE FUCK OBAMA?

My adorable wife in her costume:

The shittiest bench in the whole world:

Before Twitter I used to just leave things like this around…

Black people: Please don't pinch the pumpkins.

I'm acting on a TV show today. This is my trailer door:

I'm acting on a TV show today. This is my trailer door:

Daughter kept taking my cigarettes. Had to teach her a lesson.

Took forever but I was able to stuff about $30,000.00 of marijuana in here. #hero