How about getting Mom some carnations? Believe it or not, white is her favorite color too! RT if I should get them

April, I welcome you with open arms and a flowy shirt.

After 55 years in the business, I think it’s time to hang up my mop. I’m proud to introduce my replacement, Mr Neat

Does thinking I’d make an awesome butler mean that I’m not humble enough to make an awesome butler? #paradox

Found all the eggs! Wait, you're saying this is just for kids?

Did somebody call for a cleaner?

Do you think I would sell more books if I wear these smart looking glasses?

Check out my phone background. Every time I swipe my finger across it I expect to hear a squeak.

Happy St. Patty's Day to you! You probably can't tell, but I wrote that with a wee bit of an #Irish accent.

They told me to beware the Ides of March, but I didn't believe them! Et tu, Spaghetti and Meatballs?

@SJones1165 @MaddogCesa Nice! My cleaning machine is still only at the prototype stage.

If I could have bed head, I'd have it right now. #nosleep

The barista should've cut me off after two.

Found a code for unlimited lives. Thanks #internet!

Ugh! The Magic Bucket is ALWAYS in another kitchen.

The game kept all my high scores!

I wish I had kept this in the original packaging. It would be worth a fortune!

Whoops, I missed a spot.

The best thing about March is finally being able to feel the sun on your toes through the window again.

I may not have tickets, or be anywhere remotely near Hollywood, but at least I look the part for tonight’s show.