Zero-time Emmy winner. Zero-time Emmy applicant. Stand-up comedian. Seamstress.

Photos and Videos by @PatTomasulo

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fueling up for YOU, Bolingbrook.

I believe this is what Jerry Seinfeld eats before a show.

I'm never spending Christmas in a cold weather climate again.

Someone's weave on the ground in parking lot of said DMV.

Think Sam Hurd will be cut?

Last job in the world I will ever take.

We've kidnapped and are taking her back to

Jealous, ???

What happens when I leave my wife alone for the weekend . . .

Why tabloid editors are all going to hell

Dear God my eyes.

Just another day at the office . . .

She just invited me to a Halloween party. I put her in a cab instead. #thingsthatNEVERhappenedincollege

Drunk girl in bra&panties invited me to H'ween party. I put her in a cab to get her off the street. #gooddeedoftheday

Look who I'm having lunch with!

What kind of movie theatre are YOU in???

This is what my co-worker has been doing for 2 hours now. #commitmenttoexcellence

cleans up well.

cleans up so well.

Alright Top Chef fans, whose restaurant am I at???

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