Zero-time Emmy winner. Zero-time Emmy applicant. Stand-up comedian. Seamstress.
@anabelaval fueling up for YOU, Bolingbrook.
I believe this is what Jerry Seinfeld eats before a show.
I'm never spending Christmas in a cold weather climate again.
Someone's weave on the ground in parking lot of said DMV.
Think Sam Hurd will be cut?
Last job in the world I will ever take.
We've kidnapped @val_warner and are taking her back to @WGNMorningNews
Jealous, @marcusleshock ???
What happens when I leave my wife alone for the weekend . . .
Why tabloid editors are all going to hell
Dear God my eyes.
Just another day at the office . . .
She just invited me to a Halloween party. I put her in a cab instead. #thingsthatNEVERhappenedincollege
Drunk girl in bra&panties invited me to H'ween party. I put her in a cab to get her off the street. #gooddeedoftheday
Look who I'm having lunch with!
What kind of movie theatre are YOU in???
This is what my co-worker has been doing for 2 hours now. #commitmenttoexcellence
@PaulKonrad cleans up well.
@paulkonrad cleans up so well.
@RichardBlais Alright Top Chef fans, whose restaurant am I at???
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