Guess who didn't appreciate my last tweet? #Birdy

Let the countdown to Miley's "exhaustion" and "dehydration" begin...

@brendonwalsh Hank has a pool float. Jealous?

You could just try Weight Watchers. WTF? RT @KimKardashian: Eating healthy today

There's nothing like seeing your joke on the front page of @reddit while some unfunny assmouth takes credit for it.

@DannyZuker @1capplegate Don't sass me, Zuker. Never forget, I took this picture.

@channingtatum @jennaldewan

Everyone should know @JennaElfman has a huge, fucking, disgusting, zit on her face right now. #BonerRuiner

@JennaElfman This is from when you sent me that sick picture of your gross ass pimple (which I kindly cropped out),

I don't know why I can't stop laughing at this. ( via @YUCKYBOT )

Pretty sure this lady has befriended then murdered patients in a nursing home.

Awwww.... RT @KimKardashian: Memories!!!

My bulk email seems to suggest I'm a hairy, limp dick with bad credit who likes to bone fat chicks. #ButSexy

I'm obsessed with my cab driver in Turks and Caicos. He looks like Cedric the Entertainer's great great grandpa.

@Eliza_Coupe A seagull shit on my shoulder. Pretty fucking rad.

Just landed in Atlanta on my way to Turks and Caicos. The view here is breathtaking.

My new favorite email. Thank you, Instagram

Newt Gingrich and his campaign manager @DannyZuker

So fun seeing @thatmarciaclark and big shout to Newt Gingrich and his wife for showing up too. (pic by @DannyZuker )

This trailer hitch looks weird.