Writer, proud Texan, asshole and owner of 2 dogs.
Follow me on Instagram: jennyjohnsonhi5
Fuckin shit up at the Houston Rockets game with Mrs. Bun B, @BunBTrillOG and @ConnorBarwin98 #GoRockets #GoTexans
When I wake up at night, thirsty as shit from day drinking, I reach for a @VitaminWater Zero. #IWantFreeVitaminWater
Hank the alarm clock. I tried to push his nose for snooze, didn't work. #HungryHungryHank
When I drink @VitaminWater Zero I drink the fucking shit out of it #TryingToGetFreeVitaminWaterZero #AmIDoingThisRight
Thank you to @glamourmag for letting me write for them this month. Pick up a copy, fools!
.@TrinidadJamesGG I'm obsessed. #GoldAllInMyRangs #PopAMollyImSweatin
Everyone welcome @DerekWatt34 to Twitter. He's @JJWatt 's bro and my new life coach.
Me and @sydneyleroux are ready for some Houston Texans football!!!! #GoTexans #BullsOnParade
I'm gonna live everyday of 2013 just like this
If you've ever wondered why I'm so fucked up, this text exchange between my mom and I might give you some insight.
Merry Christmas, Fuckers!!!! #LoveYall
I had a great time at the #USWNT soccer game last night with my dates/bodyguards @JJWatt and @TJ_Yates #GoTexans
Looking for a third for this 'Dog Centipede'. Any takers? They accept humans too.
This was tweeted to the Pope by a distinguished member of Team Breezy. It's now my favorite tweet of all time.
I bet this has something to do with Kate Middleton getting pregnant. #Seamen
@morgan_murphy Houston Texans sweatpants n' Uggs by the fire. #FuckIt
Sorry, Lee Corso. But I'm gonna take a pass on your "Cornhole Challenge."
Chris Brown beats a woman up, calls people 'faggots' and wins Grammys. I write jokes about him and I'm racist? Wow.
"Sweet Jesus. Please stop what you're doing. This is a goddamn embarrassment." - Ryan Lochte's dog
The 3rd meeting of the "Jeggings Enthusiast Club" was tonight. @thatmarciaclark @DannyZuker @BoobsRadley and me rule
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