At least there's someone to hold on to during sex.

Picture not taken with Instagram but yet looks as shitty as if it was taken with Instagram.

Chocolate on my leg. It stopped itching but looks like a small dog had diarrhea on my leg as he walked past.

The "black" eye is coming off but the purple is holding strong. @shoegal1975

This Do Not Disturb sign hangs over my sink because my dirty dishes like their privacy.

NJ spent $187,000 for Whitney Houston's funeral. I'm thinking most of it went to feed this guy.

This sign is either somewhere in the south or in Los Angeles.

Director of #blogthissitcom @Sandiegomonna hard at work checking twitter. I mean setting up a shot.

I can't remember how many times people have tried to buy this off me.

Until I find someone strong enough to hang this it's going to sit in front of my theater seats forever.

New favorite follower avatar.

The beautiful @birgenhartman & @robinruzan who looks exactly like Lauren Graham. Only with prettier eyes.

Have you seen a more beautiful 20 year old recently? Didn't think so. @birgenhartman @robinruzan

2 days. All this for 2 days. This is why men hate us.

The Good Year Blimp flying over Hollywood, filming the red carpet and trying to hit Ryan Seacrest. #Oscars

We get it, you're pregnant. Have to go, have an appointment with the Un-See Doctor.

Dear Men: This is why women say we have nothing to wear. BECAUSE WE HATE IT ALL.

I'm glad my shredder was looking out for me because I was thinking of using it to trim my hair.

I just HAD to steal this off Zazzle.

Forget SOPA, what are we going to do about this nightmare? It's 2012 for the love of God.