Dad. Writer of columns for the Daily Mirror, Liverpool Echo, Newcastle Chronicle and more. I told you so.
How could I possibly have been expected to see this mouse? #missingforeightdays
This is a picture of a pretend T-shirt.
My joke in GQ, torn from Twitter, like a poor child taken away and raised by aristocrats.
Back of polybagged GQ, with nudie woman.
Front cover of polybagged GQ with my joke in it.
"How do you spell jewellery?" / "Doesn't matter, Terry, try a few and see which looks best."
You're very much pushing at the boundaries of absolute truth, Tesco.
I've seen this around the web, but I've never before noticed how much the one on the right looks like Stephen Fry.
How you react to this picture will determine my opinion of you from this point. Taken at Cheshire Oaks yesterday.
I proffer this without comment and you may make of this what you will.
I find myself incapable of deciding which of these totally identical Inbetweeners series 2 DVDs I should buy.
My Costco picture, featured in today's COLUMN. http://bit.ly/AerPWz It is not taken from the best angle.
I must say, I was surprised, when watching my son playing FIFA 12, to see @simonblackwell appear on the screen.
Here are the horrible shoes from ShortList. They are horrible. #horrible
My favourite cafe has closed down. It is a calamiTEA.
Surely at some point it stops being the same sofa? Like Trigger's broom, or the Sugababes.
My @mentions have gone all weird. Anybody else getting a load of Chris Burnses?
@thepoke The Secretary of State for Sex-u-cation #politicianslookingsexy
"Hooray! I am delighted to have an excuse to use that fire blanket! Thank goodness for unconvincing flames!"
It is quite a big cup too. #beverageimbalance
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