I'm the funniest person my kids know. For a good time, call (650) 937-9442.

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Christmas tree goes here please.

Because adding sugar to smashed tomatoes is just like getting shot at.

We were visiting yesterday. Her daughters adopted me, and she gave us cookies.

We were visiting yesterday and she made

Iced tea. Fish and chips. Santa Barbara. Sunset.

Big Trouble In Little China gang sign! #LNTMD

I had to scrape frost off my windshield this morning. What the hell, California?

McDonald's serves up old-fashioned gender norms with its old-fashioned burgers.

Leafy Sea Dragon -- Monterey Bay Aquarium

Erin and I are on a daddy-daughter sushi date.

The Sacramento Children's Museum is a compressed version of the first floor of the San Jose CDM.

It's all nature-y 'n' stuff here.

Apple Hill looks like a fair today.

Also #TiramisuCakeBellyStreet


Hanging with my cool uncle. (He in no way made me take this picture and send it to Twitter. Help.)

I stole a baby.

Uncle Shopkeep Alexei stealing Erin's headphones and commandeering Phineas and Ferb.

Uncle Shopkeep Alexei has tried to build a charcoal fire, but they don't teach grilling in London.

Now is violating like nine child-labour laws.